Hello/GoodbyeSunday, May 13, 2012
I'm sorry we have to meet again under these circumstances, I meant to get back to you earlier but life has just been so hectic recently I haven't had time to stop by and re-introduce myself. It's been a tough six months away from you, some of the worst days of my life have come and gone now and all through it you were here, silent, waiting for me to be able to tell my story again.
I've missed checking up on you every day, I've missed sitting, questioning whether the things that I write make any sense. I wanted us to have a grand re-union, new layout, planned posts for the near future, but as always life does not turn out the way we planned.
I lost Bertie on Friday. He was very ill, brain or spinal cord cancer according to the vet, and he couldn't even walk or lift his head anymore. I held him and stroked him in his final moments, trying to reassure him that everything would be okay.
I don't know why I can't talk to anyone else about this, I suppose because every single time I cry so hard I can't get the words out. He's the only pet I've ever really had, the only one that was just mine. I got him when I was young, for my tenth birthday, and for fifteen years he was my closest friends, the only one who never judged me, who constantly encouraged me, who made me strong. I'm not sure how to be strong without him. I'd give anything for just one more day, one more time to hold him in my arms, to sleep next to him, to take him for his favourite walks, to smell his uniquely doggy smell. Every memory I have includes him in some small way, even parts of my parents house were built specifically with him in mind.
My life has been slowly moving forwards over the past few months, much of it has been exciting; I fell in love, I moved home, I managed to survive (barely) without internet for six months. On the other hand I have also had to deal with more tragedy than at any other point in my life. Is this what it feels like to be a grown-up? If so I don't know if I am quite ready yet.
Apologies for the long absence any remaining readers, it has been a tough six months, but I'm going to do my best to be more organised from now on. I've missed blogging so much, and I have missed all of you. I'm really looking forward to catching up with you all.
I'll be back later in the week with a (hopefully) slightly more cheerful post.